We’ve all heard the saying, “nice guys finish last.” This saying has also been said about women as well. Why does it seem that the bad boy always gets the girl and the good guy always gets rejected by his dream girl after hearing her say, “I think you’re a nice guy, but I just wanna be friends”? Well, the problem is that trying to be a nice guy should never be the focus of manhood. The goal isn’t to try to be a nice guy or to be bad to impress the girl, but the goal is to be real and to have a purpose in life.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a nice guy, and all men should truly have that desire! But where most guys go wrong isn’t wanting to be a nice guy, but it’s wanting to be a nice guy for the wrong reasons. When I was younger, I struggled with getting stuck in the “friend zone” whenever I would be romantically interested in a girl.
For a long time, I was frustrated because I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the friend zone, until one day I figured it out. The reason I kept ending up in the friend zone in the first place was that I didn’t know my value as a man. As odd as it sounds, I put myself in the friend zone. I didn’t have a purpose in my life, and I was trying to give myself a purpose by being in a relationship with a beautiful woman.
Since I didn’t know who I was and what I was created for, I was trying to find my identity by being in a relationship with a woman who would give me a purpose for living. Both guys and girls need to be very careful with this way of thinking since it’s rooted in fear, rejection, and insecurity.
With all that being said, I’m not saying that when men discover their life’s purpose that they’ll never get rejected again by a woman they’re trying to pursue. What I’m saying is that when men discover their life’s purpose, they can get rejected and bounce back easily without getting stuck in the unhealthy “friend zone.”
For those of you who don’t know what the “friend zone” is, it’s when a man or woman is interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, but the other person doesn’t feel the same way. The friend zone happens when both people choose to remain, friends, even though it’s extremely painful for the person with romantic feelings to continue the relationship as only friends.
People who end up in the friend zone are there because they put themselves there. Trying to protect an unhealthy relationship with someone who isn’t romantically interested in you isn’t a sacrifice, it’s just stupid. Sometimes loving yourself means to walk away from a friend to guard your heart. A friend who doesn’t agree to set boundaries when a romantic attraction is not mutual is not a friendship worth saving.
Does that mean the friendship ends forever? No. Does that mean you hate the other person and become bitter because they didn’t think about your heart in the process? No. it’s your job to guard your heart. Ending a friendship has nothing to do with holding things against the other person, but it has everything to do with guarding your heart and knowing your value.
“Real Men” don’t hold grudges, they aren’t arrogant, they don’t get bitter, they forgive immediately, and they don’t play the victim by blaming their friend for their broken heart. Real men not only know their value and know how to prevent themselves from being in an unhealthy friendship, but they also know how to honor the opposite sex in the process.
Breaking an unhealthy friendship isn’t a sin, and sometimes it doesn’t have to be forever. Can a man who is romantically attracted to a woman (or vise-versa) who doesn’t feel the same way still be friends in a healthy way? Well, nothing is impossible, and whether or not this can happen depends on the man and the woman. At the end of the day, whatever comes out of it, and whether things get awkward or not, a real man will demonstrate the love of Jesus, in a healthy way, to a woman who rejected him because she is still his sister in Christ (Hebrews 13:1).
Real men and real women love without expectation and give without limitations. When they have a purpose for living beyond themselves and even beyond a romantic infatuation, that’s when they discover the true meaning of life in abundance.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33).
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