My First Time Trying to Pursue a Woman
The first time I ever tried to pursue a woman was back in 2011. She was a woman who attended my church and I wanted to see what could develop between us. After we had spent a lot of time together, I finally asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend. Yeah I know, not very smooth lol
The truth is that at that time in my life, I had no idea how to pursue a woman. I thought I just had to ask the girl if she wanted to be my girlfriend. You know, like kids do in elementary school. Well, I think you already know that she “No.”
While I was pretty disappointed, eventually I got over it. But about a week or so later, she gave me a call and wanted to “hang out.”
“What does that mean? Maybe this is her way of trying to tell me that she’s interested in dating” I thought. So I planned a day for us to “hangout.” It was a Saturday. I was so excited that Saturday morning, I could not contain myself! In the morning, I gave her a call to tell her that I was on the way to pick her up.
But, she didn’t answer the phone. “Maybe she’s busy,” I thought. So I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited… I ended up waiting all day long for her to respond to my phone call. I figured out pretty quickly that she wasn’t planning on hanging out with me.
Later that night, she called and said, “Hey Ernesto! I’m sorry I didn’t return your call earlier. I was really busy today. Maybe we can hang out another time? Keep me posted!” I didn’t really know what to say, so I just said, “Sure, sounds good!” But I obviously had no plans to ever hang out with her again after that.
A Short and Sad Ending To Counterfeit Love
In 2013, I met another amazing woman at my church. “This time around, things will be different.” I thought to myself. The women I met had recently gotten out of a seven-year relationship, and it seemed like both of us were hitting it off as friends. We talked on the phone for several hours each night. We also loved spending time together and talking about our future and the kids we’d have. I really felt that she would be my wife someday.
But then one day I found out that there were several other guys at church who were also interested in dating her. I also found out that she was allowing one of those guys to pursue her romantically. When I confronted her about this, she admitted that it was true.
I basically assumed that we were in a relationship, but she assumed that we were casually dating and that she would date other people at the same time as she was dating me. It was a huge misunderstanding that turned into a huge mess. Eventually, we stopped talking to each other and I never saw her again. Believe it or not, a similar misunderstanding happened with another woman I was interested in pursuing later that same year. That didn’t work out either.
Why Am In Sharing All of These Terrible Stories?
The reason all these things happened to me isn’t that the women were just bad people. The reason I had all these bad experiences is that, in most of these cases, I was attracting broken women into my life because of my own brokenness. My unhealthy pattern continued up until the end of 2015.
In 2016, I decided to stop dating and look back at all the women I’d dated or pursued over the past several years. What I’d noticed is that most of the woman I’d dated/pursued were unhealthy women. One of them had recently gotten out of a seven-year relationship, another one had issued with her father, and so on.
Now I’m not judging. I have lots of issues myself, but the biggest issue I had at that time was falling for women that I could “rescue.” I didn’t let Jesus be their Savior. I wanted to be their Savior. If anyone would have told me that I wanted to be their rescuer at that time, I would have totally disagreed because I would have been too blind to see it. Love isn’t blind. Infatuation is blind.
Jesus is Our Only Rescuer!
When I finally stopped trying to pursue broken women and just pursued the heart of Jesus, that’s when my desire to pursue broken women went away. The closer I got to God, the more I became attracted to healthy women who know what their purpose is.
When I changed the way I thought and became a healthy person, that’s when I met Lee who’s my fiancee. It’s not easy to wait for the right person. I almost gave up on believing that God had a wife for me on multiple occasions. What kept me believing isn’t that I looked harder to find a wife, it’s that I looked deeper into the heart of God.
When I grew closer to God, that’s when He released me to be a missionary with refugees and poor people in other countries. The coolest thing about my fiancee is that she also has a heart for missions. God is already using both of us to share the Gospel with those who are lost and hopeless.
Don’t settle for marrying someone who doesn’t have a God-given purpose for their life. It’ll be the worst decision of your life. On the contrary, finding someone whom you can partner with in bringing Heaven to Earth is worth the wait. When it comes to romantic relationships, the only rescuer is Jesus.
When you give Him your brokenness and your pain and let Him save you from yourself, He’ll give you a spouse, in His timing, that will be more amazing than your wildest dreams.
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